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Coupling or uncoupling : a lockdown dilemma

Coronavirus pandemic is ravaging the world. Now there are clear instructions from the experts,  that the best way of fighting this pandemic is to stay physically isolated. It’s not clear for couples how their relationships will survive in this time of stress and isolation.

This is the time where abusive relationships get harsher but also, some healthy relationships will have a negative impact in this isolation. Relationships of Couples who are now being far from each other and also recently being together all day are being strained. Here are some of the tips about what couples should do during this lockdown:

Understand the silence in long presence

Beautiful posts are going viral on social media making the isolation look like a luxurious spa retreat. Comparatively, your life may seem chaotic with children not stopping screaming, your personal hygiene going bad or you might be struggling even to have something to talk to your partner other than non-corona virus topics or in the worse cases, have arguments and fights with them.

Understand the silence in long presence

You need to acknowledge all these and accept that this is a challenging period and both you and your partner need to work together to keep the relationship running successfully.

Distance yourself from your partner too

This is one thing that couples need to do to have a distance from. More, if you are used to spending most of the time apart than together, then there is a great chance that you are going to have some problems when you are staying together in this lockdown. 

In this time, try to make sure that you have some space of your own — it might be just reading a book or anything. If there is a thing that is troubling you, set aside some time and talk about them in a calm and empathetic manner.

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While there are criticisms that are legitimate, most often they are used as a shield — the overly critical person masks their own fear, sadness or shame by lashing out on you. Criticism is incredibly damaging to a relationship and worse it might effect your relationship negatively. Therefore, if you want to see some change in your partner, you must avoid criticism and try a different tactic. 

Grow yourself and your relation healthier

When an arguments happens because of any reasons it is important to remember the importance of relationships then winning the argument. In this period of lockdown, we sort of feel trapped and it is in this position we are more likely to operate from the primitive self-protected part of the brain and thus we might lose a bit of rationality over protection. So, in the time of heated arguments, you need to get away from each other and let everything settle down.

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It’s easier said than done, but it’s essential to make sure that your relationship will not sink into chaos and be normal. Try having a shower or a bath, listen to calming music. These all are some ways to quickly change the state of the mood. 

Try walking or running, because movement reminds the primitive system we discussed earlier that we are not trapped. After you have calmed down, go back together and try discussing the problem rationally and make sure that both of you are listening to each others perspective and trying to understand it .

Be closer to each other by sharing yourself inside out

Even though you both are not under conflict, it’s important to check in with your partner about how they are feeling. Due to everyday work and of this lockdown, there would sure be stress and anxiety. Talk with each other about how you both want to manage these. Because everyone’s coping mechanisms need not be the same and in the case they are different, you need to acknowledge them now to reduce the chance of conflict between you.

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For example, one partner feels safe by being updated about coronavirus pandemic news but other partner might find this very anxiety-inducing and want to be away from it. If this is not acknowledged prior, this might result in mutual feeling of being distant from others and being unsupported. But, if your partner has pre-existing anxieties or mental health issues, then you need to be supportive of them in this time of greater stress.

Share the goals for a day and ultimately for the life

Giving your day a structure and plan will help to massively reduce your stress level and keep good mental health. Having a day plan becomes more important if you have children as they thrive on routine and having knowledge of what is going on each day. 

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Mainly children react in part to what they observe from adult people around them. When people around them are anxious and worried about the situation, then they can get stressed out too.  

The Centres for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has given some guidelines for parents on how best to reduce the anxiety and stress in children. 

Parents and other caregivers of children need to deal with the pandemic confidently which gives a sense of confidence and security to the children and lets them be calm. They recommend explaining the facts of the coronavirus appropriate to their age and limit their access to news and other social media coverage so that they do not feel overwhelmed and frightened about the situation.

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You need to involve kids in household chores according to their age and adult also can involve themselves in children’s activities so you can all be a part of team. Otherwise, it would give a feeling that everyone is a separate individual who is working to meet ends all while other people are only obstacles.

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